Therapy for Relationship Issues—Knowing Your Attachment Style
Individual therapy for relationship issues can be useful for addressing problems or growth areas and lots of different types of relationships. The relationships we can focus on in individual therapy for relationship issues are ones like your relationship with your parents, your siblings, your boss, your friends, or your partner/spouse. This type of therapy is very helpful. It can be effective and productive even when the other person isn't present in the therapy.
What We Focus On In Individual Therapy For Relationship Issues
Some of the major things we'll focus on in individual therapy for relationship issues are understanding your attachment style and what you are bringing to the relationship dynamic, understanding how to communicate clearly so that your needs can get met, and learning how to set effective verbal and physical boundaries.
We also examine how codependent behaviors might be at play in your relationship. How to create healthier boundaries, and how to decrease a sense of responsibility for others’ emotions and actions. This blog today will focus on understanding your attachment style.
Understanding Your Attachment Style
Anxious Attachment Style
One major part of understanding any relationship issues is understanding your attachment style. How it impacts your expectations, beliefs, and responses in that relationship. When we have an anxious style of attachment, we're often working from a core belief that we are not lovable. Or not worthy of love and fear of being abandoned. When working from this anxious attachment style, the central fear is being abandoned. We view all information through a lens of fear that the other person doesn't care about us.
Avoidant Attachment Style
In contrast, with an avoidant attachment style, we fear not being seen as competent or capable. Our biggest fear is being seen as a failure. If we're met with feedback or if the other person is unhappy with us, then we often feel rejected, sad, and even feel shame. From a disorganized attachment style, and feel we can't trust others or ourselves. Nowhere feels safe. In Attachment-based Therapy, we work towards shifting your attachment style to be more secure attachment style. Which might sound like “I'm worthy of appreciation and love. I have value regardless of what I do. Any rupture with another person is temporary and feel confident it can be repaired.”
Secure Attachment Style
To develop a more secure attachment style both with yourself and others, you can start by reflecting on a few questions. How do I want to show up in this world? How can I shift my actions and responses in order to be more grounded and regulated? What behaviors can I model in this relationship in the hopes of getting them back in return? How can I move toward connection instead of defending myself or blaming others?
Learn To Self-Regulate
To create a more secure attachment within ourselves, we first start with learning to self-regulate when we are emotionally activated. Self-regulation requires being able to label your emotions and understand your emotions. As well as grounding yourself in your body to choose a response instead of being reactive.
Once we can self-regulate, we're better able to communicate clearly. As well as prevent negative communication cycles of blame, shame, and criticism. Healthy communication cycles also include being able to reflect on our own needs, assumptions, and expectations. To take responsibility for what we bring to the interaction, again in a non-blaming manner towards ourselves.
We can also tap into more empathy for the other person. As well as a true desire for understanding instead of defending ourselves. When we approach another person in this spirit of cooperation and collaboration, we're more likely to find a positive outcome. Thus, showing that we can trust each other in this relationship. All these things allow us to be emotionally close by being more vulnerable in our relationships.
Here are some great books on Attachment Styles that my clients have found helpful:
Interested in Starting Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues in Los Angeles, CA?
If you're struggling with relationship issues, exploring your attachment style through individual therapy for relationship issues can be a game changer. Understanding your attachment style can help you identify patterns that may be sabotaging your relationships and give you the tools to make positive changes. Take the first step towards healthier relationships by meeting with me, Kathryn Williams, a relationship issues therapist, who specializes in attachment theory. To get started follow these three simple steps:
Reach out to schedule a free 30-minute consultation with me, a relationship therapist.
Schedule your first appointment and begin Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues.
Begin exploring your attachment style and start seeing positive changes in your relationships!
Other Counseling Services I Offer in Los Angeles, CA
At Flourishment Psychology, I am here to help you no matter what you may be going through. This is why I offer a variety of counseling services for individuals, women, therapists, and families. Besides Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues, I also specialize in trauma therapy, anxiety treatment, corporate wellness training, and clinical training. All of these services are offered in person in Los Angeles or virtually in California and New York. To learn more check out my FAQs and Blog!
